It's Nothing Until It's Something

It started innocent enough.  An appointment for a mammogram.  I have a couple before.  I have had a "come back in so we can take some more pictures" appointment before.  So, when I got the call a few days later that they wanted to take a few more pictures of my right breast I didn't think about it much.

Within an hour, it became something I am thinking about now.

It started with more specific views of an area up high on my breast.  Technician leaves room to consult with radiologist.  A few minutes later she is back.  Radiologist wants to have ultrasound images.  We walk down the hall and enter a room where the ultrasound technician is sitting and waiting for us.  I am impressed with their efficiency.  I lay on the bed and the technician begins scanning.
"Do you feel that?" she asks me.  Feel what? I am thinking. She says she can feel the lump under her wand.  She shows me where and I feel it.  I definitely feel "something".  But in all honesty I tell her that in a self breast exam I don't know that I would have thought twice about it.  It doesn't feel like the round pea or marble they talk about.  It feels "lumpy" and fibrous like the rest of the landscape of my breasts.  But I do feel it.
She leaves to go consult with the radiologist and while she is gone I start some symmetry research.  "Well crap."  The feel of the lump is not the same in both breasts.  The pit of my stomach is beginning to feel the weight of the moment.
Radiologist and tech walk back in.  "We have found something" he says.  He is sending records over to my doctor, recommending a biopsy and I should get a call in a few days.  He explains 3 different methods of sticking a needle or cutting into my breast (one sounds much like a car during an oil change).  After a few moments of question and answer he leaves.  I change out of my supergirl cape with the two snaps and go wander the aisles of Walmart.  My mind wanders as I try to remember the short list of groceries I had needed to pick up.
How am I going to start this conversation with Tim, the kids, friends, family?  I feel a responsibility to be calm and positive for them more than me.
It's nothing until it's something.